Friday, July 29, 2005
I don't really live on a farm. But because I'm not really dieting, I'm perusing my photo file and publishing some that make me feel good.
I need to think of a new name for the blog. Get the whole picture, not just a fleeting fancy.
Posted by Dominique at 11:47 PM
Thursday, July 28, 2005
Not much to write tonight - already getting bored of whining about my fat. Feel accomplished that I figured out how to get a photo posted to my profile until I realized it was the wrong one. Oh well. That's me there on the right.
Dying for some comments. Is there anybody out there?
Posted by Dominique at 11:03 PM
Wednesday, July 27, 2005
Two nights ago, I had taken my daughter to Navy Pier and ended up at Bubba Gump's for dinner - the home of exceedingly large portions and lots of butter. I was so good. I had a simple dinner salad and a spear of grilled shrimp. Wow. I felt great. It was so nice not to feel totally overstuffed after eating out. I felt so great, I asked the waiter to see the dessert menu. After consuming an exceedingly large portion of bread pudding with ice cream and whipped cream, I didn't feel so great anymore.
Yesterday wasn't a bad day. After staying within some acceptable limits last night, I was feeling pretty good. Like, okay, maybe I can really do this dieting thing. And feeling good, and comfortable because I didn't over stuff myself, I was vegging on the couch watching "Dead Like Us" reruns and I thought, hmmm, wouldn't a cookie be great right now? But, like a good dieter, the cupboards have been cleared of any really tempting stuff. So unless I wanted to bake at 10:00 o'clock at night, there was nothing good to eat. This is when I really should have let my husband know that I was on a diet. I actually convinced him that this was a cookie emergency, and he should interrupt his very engaging computer game to run out to the store. And you know, he did. He brought home not only cookies, but a chocolate chip cookie ice-cream sandwich. This thing was about 700 calories, and after 10:00 at night - that's worse. God am I desperate. Only because I'm dieting.
Posted by Dominique at 12:27 PM
Tuesday, July 26, 2005
Okay, the theme of this blog is obvious. I woke up last Sunday morning, weighed myself, and found me to be a whopping 195 lbs. I've always been tall, but this is beyond the "yeah, you can get away with it because you are tall" comments.
A little about me: I have an awesome life as a stay-at-home mom, although I am rarely home. Except for this moment because I felt obsessed about recording my weight drama. Usually, I volunteer at my daughter's school. It had closed last year due to mismanagement and a personal crises on behalf of the founder. So a few parents, including myself, volunteered our time to keep it open until the financial situation stabilized and we were able to hire a director. For the last six months, I've been busy, busy, busy and used the crises at school as a great excuse for not getting to the gym enough. But to be honest, even when I do get to the gym frequently, it seems to have little impact on my weight, because I eat - a lot. Can any of you identify with that?
I've now joined Weight Watchers Online. This has started as a bit of a joke. For example today, it is only noon and I've used up all of my points for the day. And I didn't think that I've eaten anything huge or inappropriate. Thank God I went to the gym this morning and earned an extra 7 points - so I'll have get the chance to eat a little something at dinner.
Typically, when I've dieted in the past, I become so obsessed with food. I write down all the food I've consumed. I plan my meals obsessively. And then I think about food every moment for the entire day, usually breaking down at around 3 or 4pm and eat huge portions of whatever's at hand. I always gain weight when I diet. It is dangerous to reach the maximum weight of 195 pounds and consider going on a diet. This is like asking to break 200. The only time that I've ever lost weight successfully is when a) I jog five miles a day, b) take diet pills or c) the World Trade Center is demolished by terrorists and I'm too fucked up and anxious to consider eating. A doesn't work for me anymore as I now have heel spurs in each foot and knees that in danger of developing arthritis. B is no longer an option because I love my husband too much to subject him to the daily drama of the resulting mood swings. Plus I hate yelling at my kid - and it seems that yelling comes too easily when on pills. And C, well, I'd never wish that horror to repeat ever - ever again. The recent London bombings caused that panic to reemerge, but not near the extent that it would create a blip on my food intake. It did however make me want to convert to a Republican, but then I awoke the next morning realizing how ridiculous that would be. Isn't that letting the terrorists win, by letting our fears affect our moral values?
I love food. This is going to be a tough road ahead because I hope to lose 50 pounds without destroying my marriage or becoming a self-absorbed, mean mom. Wish me luck.
Posted by Dominique at 2:26 AM