|Since getting Lucy, I can no longer leave water glasses about the house.|
Day 11 is the day of water fasting. This reminds me of growing up Mormon, once a month we fasted for 24 hours for spiritual edification and then donate the money we would have spent on food to the church to fund their welfare program. As a kid, I hated it. The main thing I remember was a pounding hunger headache, big emotional mood swings and sitting through testimony meeting listening to others sharing their big emotions. And, god forbid, I felt the need to rise and share my testimony and burst into tears - very embarrassing. I sometimes have that join-the-bandwagon problem, like I just have to add something to the conversation.
As a young adult, I was on again, off again with The Church. When active, I looked forward to Fast Sunday. Having overcome a few hard addictions, I had never overcame my addiction towards food. To give up alcohol, drugs or cigarettes, one can walk away from those things completely and never, ever have to consume them again. To walk away from food - impossible. That once a month fast gave me permission to not think about food for an entire day and focus my thoughts elsewhere. I still had pounding headaches and huge emotional mood swings and sometimes, I'd still embarrass myself and cry in front of the entire congregation.
These days, I wouldn't ever think of fasting. There is no place that I go without having a stash of dried fruit and nuts, or a Larabar in my bag. I call it emergency food. If I can't think straight, if I lose it with the kids, if I'm on the verge of starting a big brewhaha with my husband, then I know my blood sugar is low and I need to eat. Unfortunately, I don't always know that my blood sugar's dropped. It usually takes someone to suggest that I eat, then I protest, but eat anyway, and then I feel much better and forget why I was so upset.
I didn't fast on Day 11. I almost fasted. I had a cup of tea with a teaspoon of honey for breakfast, and water. I had some leftover grapefruit juice for lunch and some water. I had tea for a snack and some water. And then I had Pizza for dinner....
I felt so good, clean, confident that I was enjoying my day of very light liquids, I saw down with the kids while they were eating dinner and I casually helped myself to a slice of pizza. Not the best way to finish up a liquid fast, I know. I know.
It was a pretty small slice as far as pizza's go. What happens when the mind says, "hmmm, I really don't care for this?" and then the arm extends and retracts with a hot, cheesy slice of pizza and proceeds to bring it to the mouth? And that mouth, as if on autopilot chews and swallows? I do know that as I am trying to come to terms with why I struggle so much with addiction, I'm more aware of the disconnect I have between mind and body.
Alas, still not such a bad day. I quite enjoyed the lightness of consuming light liquids throughout the day. No pounding headaches or big mood swings, either.