After a week of mostly juicing, some smoothies and a bit of fasting, I am resistant to going back to solid food. It seems almost easier to diet by consuming something that doesn't seem so much like food - it is the extreme, trying to get away from food as much as possible that feels more comfortable to me.
Yesterday was going along just fine until I stopped at Starbucks to pick up an after school snack for the kids. Jasper gave me half of his chocolate covered graham cracker which I was happy to snarf down. Then later, I ate the rest of the gooey mess that he decided he didn't want anymore (he only chewed one corner, then melted the rest with his fist). At dinner, I sat down with the family as they had beef teriyaki, vegetable tempura, rice and California rolls. I always have a hard time sticking to my diet when I eat with the family - I sat down with them anyway and ate their food. For a normal meal, I really didn't overeat, but it was quite a departure from my raw diet. To be honest, I wasn't even eating out of hunger. I found with the juicing, that a meal could easily be a glass of juice, and then another glass that I would drink slowing over a period of time. I can't say I've really experienced tremendous hunger during the cleanse week. Eating at the table for me was eating only because the food was before me.
I'm afraid that I cannot join my family for dinner during this time of dieting. I don't even feel the temptation to eat their food, I just do it - without thought, without even trying to stop myself. This is so much like trying to stop drinking from years ago. There was no way I was going to stay sober if I still went to the bars and clubs. I couldn't be near anyone who was drinking and simply not have a drink. I struggle to believe that food is that powerful, that I cannot have a meal with my family without it completely derailing my food plan.
There is a significant difference between eating with my family and eating with friends. Sunday, I took my daughter to see American Ballet Theatre's performance of Giselle with a group of friends. Ballet is not my favorite dance type, but this was lovely, really lovely. Afterwards we all went to Panera Bread for a bite to eat. Baked goods are my crack, and I was nervous. I grabbed a bottle of water and an apple for myself. Surrounding me was soup in bread bowls, giant cookies, muffins, panini's loaded with melted cheese and creamy macaroni and cheese. I ate very slowly and stayed engaged with the conversation to keep my mind off of all the food. I would never just take food off the plate of a friend. When offered, it seems more polite to say "no" than to accept. They wouldn't make the offer anyway. They know I'm dieting and they've all been there. With my family, the boundaries are more blurred. We all eat off of each others' plate. It's like family style extends beyond the shared platter of food from the center of the table. And somehow, over the years, I'm become the one to clean up what is leftover, adding those extra pounds of misery.
PS: Jinjee's almond mylk recipe from The Garden Diet is divine. I didn't enjoy the gritty texture, so I filtered it through a nut bag. It was a synch and I can dry the pulp to use later in other recipes. This will become a weekly standard - perfect in Chai Yerba Mate for a delicious Chai Latte.