Tuesday, July 24, 2012


I've been back from Minnesota for two days now, and whoaaa, I can't seem to get myself out of bed.  The day starts fine, but then a nap attack completely wipes me off my feet and then I'm off to my plush, micro-fiber fleece sheets (weird, I know - it's like sleeping in baby blankets) and I've checked out for about two to three hours.  As soon as dinner is over, I'm ready to go at it again.  I wish I could say I think I'm pregnant, but that just doesn't happen for me that way, suddenly and without warning.  Someday I'll write about that, but not this post.

A few years ago, my chin, unfortunately hasn't changed much.
I'm scared to admit this, because all my life I've fought off taking anti-depressants.  Lately, though, I've been on a teensie-tiny dose of Zoloft.  It's supposed to help me through menopause without shrieking so much.  When my mom said how much she loves Zoloft, except it makes her so sleepy, I knew something might be up.

This girl can sleep anywhere, even with a 200 pound mastiff on her lap.

One of my girl friends has been taking St. John's Wort for the same reason.  I may give that a try for a more natural approach.  Besides the sleepiness, I've been feeling great.  It doesn't take me days to wrestle with a simple decision.  I don't explode and berate my kids for no apparent reason.  And I don't spend a week underwater in the blues before my period each month.  I like/love my husband just about all the time and don't completely obsess over a minor infraction.  This is one of those events in life that has made me question just about everything.  Has most of the emotional upheaval in my life been caused by a mere chemical imbalance?  If anger and hate can be quelled by a little pill, what does that say for our better emotions like love, passion, compassion?

Anytime, anywhere.
I've studied these things at length at one time, yet still fought my own diagnoses with depression.  At one time I was on track to tackle a PhD in neuropsychology.  I got side-tracked by a little move to the Midwest, at the time thinking I'd only be here for a year or two.  Well, we stayed.  NY went crazy and I found Chicago to be an excellent place to raise babies.

He can sleep even on a jet boat ride.
I never got back to that Master's/PhD program.  The fact that I even graduated college as an adult seemed miraculous, because coming to Chicago increased my depression, and often times anxiety.  Well, who wasn't anxious after 9/11?  That's what I always told myself, so I did nothing about it.  I also believed that as long as I can get out of bed in the morning, I must not be clinically depressed.  Just when I'd think something was really wrong, I'd snap out of it and enjoy life again.  So I must be okay.

What's cuter than a sleeping puppy?
I've talked to my doctor about this.  Increase in weight bearing exercise and better nutrition might have the same affect as this little pill that I've grown to love.  I'm still working hard in those areas.  In spite of feeling a little sleepy, though, I realize how depression has really affected my life.  Still, not sure I'd put myself in a clinical category.  That's for my doctor to figure out.  For now, it is just such a joy to function without feeling my head wrapped in cotton batting.

PS:  I'm thinking about attending BlogHer in NYC.  Anyone going?  Anyone gone before?  Survival tips?

1 comment:

  1. There are anti-depressants that don't have sleepiness as a side effect. Also, that was a pretty active vacation. When I go somewhere, inevitably my food and sleep patterns change, and it takes a few days for my body to stabilize. Maybe similar for you?

    GO, GO, GO to the BlogHer convention. It sounds terrific and fun (I looked it up) and right up your alley. Hope you do it! You're a talented blogger and getting more support and information is always a good thing to keep one going. Go for it!